Get over hump day, share one of these…
Weird Facebook Status Updates:
- I’m glad I’m me, I don’t think anybody else could take it.
- Why do they even offer 2014 as an option when selecting your birth date? Like you’re fresh out of the womb ready to join Gmail.
- The awkward moment when you mispronounce organism in science class.
- I now have more electronic screens in my life than friends.
- You know it’s a really good bar when there’s a couple outside breaking up.
- 2 things I look for in a woman: Intelligence and a filthy mind. So, basically a pervert with a high IQ.
- I want a hot body but I also want hot wings.
- No matter what they did to you to make you hate them, you just can’t forget about someone that was good in bed.
- The worst part about calling in for a sick day is the pressure of knowing you only have one shot to do the “I’m sick” voice.
- No one your age has any idea what they’re doing either. No matter what age you are.
- I’m not the type of person you want to put on speaker during a phone conversation.
- I read my kids a few select facebook statuses before bed, kiss them on their heads, and whisper, “This is why we have to stay in school”
- Good thing I’m judged on my actions and not my thoughts.
- People who get out of the car and actually have a sit down meal inside McDonald’s scare me.
- A dating site based on Netflix viewing compatibility.
- What I lack in good decisions, I make up for in inappropriate behavior.
- Here’s a crazy concept, maybe I’m not in a bad mood, angry, or a bitch. Maybe I said it because it’s true and I meant it. Marinate on that.
- If your single and you know it…Pet your cat!
- That awkward moment when somebody is doing dishes and you slowly put another dish in the sink.
- Down on yourself for being lazy? Keep in mind the Greeks believed their GODS lived atop a very hikeable mountain and no one went to check.
Kids Mimic “Job Interview” (Hilarious!)
You’re fired! I’m just kidding, you’re hired. LOL!