Celebrities Stuck in Traffic, Worst Part of Breaking Up, and 20 Priceless Status Updates

It’s Thanksgiving Week, make your friends laugh, share one of these…

20 Priceless Facebook Status Updates:

  1. Not every “sorry” deserves an “it’s okay” in return.
  2. Being a male is a matter of birth, being a man is a matter of age, but being a gentleman is a matter of choice.
  3. That awkward moment when you really want to talk to someone, but don’t know how to continue the conversation.
  4. It’s impressive how quickly I can go from full to starving.
  5. Mentally I am ready for Christmas, financially I am not ready for Christmas.
  6. I don’t understand how someone has 20+ bridesmaids. I don’t even like that many people.
  7. Getting out of bed was my worst mistake today.
  8. I am the most stressed out laziest person ever, I don’t even know how I do it.
  9. *tries to watch 45 minutes episode in 20 minutes*
  10. I procrastinate so much I’ll probably put off death and never die.
  11. College: the craziest thing I’ve ever done for money.
  12. Don’t just tell her she is beautiful, make her believe it. Then slap her ass and tell her to keep up the good f*cking work.
  13. Like a glow stick, sometimes we have to break before we shine.
  14. My personality is 30% the last movie I watched.
  15. If you’re tired of starting over, stop giving up.
  16. There are too many people who could ruin my life by posting a screenshot of a text conversation we’ve had.
  17. Sometimes I wish I could just fast forward through time just to see if it’s all worth it in the end.
  18. Some people pass through our lives just to teach us not to be like them.
  19. whats_up.doc
  20. A good way to mess with a jogger is to run up alongside him and say, “It’s okay, I think we lost him.”

Witty Status | Yesterdays Status Updates…

Girl impressions of celebrities stuck in traffic…

YouTube Preview Image

She’s very good at impersonations! Do you think that’s the way these celebs would really act in traffic? :) Share with your friends!

Tons more status updates, funny pictures, and videos… On our Fan Page & Download our Free iPhone App.

Hashtags, Ferret Fail, and Weekend Status Updates

Make your weekend last longer, share one of these…

20 Great Status Updates for the Weekend:

  1. Whiskey improves with age. I improve with whiskey.
  2. I’ve probably wasted a solid year of my life just staring into the fridge.
  3. All I want for Christmas is you. (JK, give me wine.)
  4. Don’t judge me, Sir. You wouldn’t know I was texting and driving if your eyes were on the road. Like they’re supposed to be.
  5. I don’t mean to interrupt people I just randomly remember things and get really excited I’m sorry.
  6. I told everyone at work that I have a twin so that when I see them in public I won’t have to talk to them.
  7. Do you ever dislike someone so much that you hate when people are nice to them?
  8. What’s worse to have stuck in your head; a knife or All About That Bass?
  9. “You wore that before” yea because it’s my shirt and i have a washing machine!
  10. They say laughter’s the best medicine, but I’d argue that it’s whiskey. And maybe chocolate.
  11. I’m sorry for the things I said when I was cold.
  12. Eat like no one is watching. Or dance. Whatever.
  13. Messing up a guy’s hair = cute. Messing up a girl’s hair = putting your life on the line.
  14. That awkward moment when someone asks you what’s wrong, and they’re the problem.
  15. This bar doesn’t know it yet, but it’s about to be karaoke night.
  16. “Have you tried just eating a ton of pizza?”- me as a therapist
  17. “It’s complicated” relationship status = someone cheated but we signed a lease
  18. For a guy who cant figure out how a remote works my dad sure has a lot of advice for Obama.
  19. It’s like I wanna be left alone but I still want people to notice my absence, you know.
  20. My girlfriend told me she wanted me to surprise her with a gift that will take her breath away. I’m thinking about getting her a treadmill.

More Funny Pictures & Videos | Yesterdays Status Updates…

Ferret Thinks He Can Make The Jump:

YouTube Preview Image

Dawwww, poor little guy! He barely made it like a quarter of the way :P share if you enjoyed!

Have a great weekend! Tons more status updates, funny pictures, and videos… On our Fan Page & Download our Free iPhone App. We’ll see you back on MONDAY for more Funny Stuff!

Paper Cat, Creepy Guy, and Facebook’s Best Status Updates

From this week on the FB, share one of these…

Facebook’s Best Status Updates:

  1. Every day is just a new opportunity to eat tacos.
  2. The woman I am most likely interested in isn’t at bars or meetup, but at home watching Netflix, and there’s no way I’ll ever meet her.
  3. I’m happy, but not “Oprah just told me to look under my chair” happy.
  4. Wine improves with age. I improve with wine.
  5. If you ever find that you’re the most talented person in the room, you need to find another room.
  6. That person who waits to the last minute to change lanes and expects you to make room. NOT ON MY WATCH.
  7. 12 hours into this marathon Netflix stopped asking me if I wanted to continue playing and just quietly asked, “You okay?”
  8. I’m always in a rush to get home so I can do absolutely nothing.
  9. I asked the waitress for a quickie and she slapped me. The old woman next to me said, “It’s pronounced ‘quiche’, dear.”
  10. Ever work out and think “wow I really needed that”? That’s how I feel about the chocolate chip cookie I just ate.
  11. We’re all gonna die. How are you gonna live?
  12. I’ll screw a stranger but I won’t even use a loved one’s toothbrush.
  13. Best of luck explaining why you’re still single at Thanksgiving and Charles Manson isn’t.
  14. Siblings – the only people who will pick on you and then kick the asses of anyone else who does it.
  15. It’s almost Thanksgiving… Sweatpants, suit up.
  16. For most of human history, vehicles had automatic collision avoidance and could even take you home when you were sleeping or drunk. Then we got rid of the horse.
  17. Most teenagers pull their phones out of their pockets to check the time. We are reverting to the era of pocket watches.
  18. I wonder what my dog named me.
  19. Accidentally missed the freeway exit for home, now I’m heading north to start a new life.
  20. Things are getting pretty serious between us. We haven’t laughed in months.

Witty Status | Yesterdays Status Updates…

Cat is Endlessly Amused by Paper…

YouTube Preview Image

Looks like she’s having a blast!

Tons more status updates, funny pictures, and videos… On our Fan Page & Download our Free iPhone App.

Why Men Hate Being in Pictures, Nagging, and 20 Clever Facebook Statuses

Make a friends day, share one of these…

20 Clever Facebook Statuses:

  1. Well, at least it’s not Monday.
  2. I may be wrong, but I doubt it.
  3. I want to grow my own food but no one makes pizza seeds.
  4. Can we not and also say we didn’t?
  5. Instead of “single” as my status, I prefer “independently owned and operated”.
  6. As grandma used to say, “stop being a whiny little bitch and eat the f*cking gluten”.
  7. I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon… I’ll let you know.
  8. I’ll summon the end of days. I’ll burn the earth. I WILL BRING ABOUT THE APOCALYPSE! Oh never mind, the wifi’s back on.
  9. Ladies and Gentleman, I’ve traveled a long way, crossed many bridges, fought my way through countless obstacles, all to bring you this one sad truth about life. There’s never enough beer.
  10. I hate it when celebrities get on TV and tell us to donate to some fund Bitch, you make 12 million a movie & I make $12/hr. You send money.
  11. If an athlete’s photographed with a bong it’s an embarrassment; if he’s photographed with a beer it’s an endorsement.
  12. How is McDonald’s breakfast delivery not a thing yet?I can order a wife from another country but I can’t get someone to bring me a fricken’ egg mcmuffin.
  13. Bumper stickers are helpful for recognizing members of society you do not want to associate with.
  14. 70% of our planet is covered in water, the other 30% is covered in idiots.
  15. The best job ever? Sleeping Beauty at Disney World. You just lay down all day. If anyone bothers you, it’s like excuse me, I’m working here.
  16. They say you’ve got to spend money to make money. Feel like there’s some middle step I’ve been missing?
  17. At this point, it’d be more efficient to use “WAS NOT MADE IN CHINA” stickers.
  18. Why isn’t the movie ‘What Women Want’ just 90 minutes of Ryan Gosling doing an ab workout on a pile of Nutella and money?
  19. Hard butter is the devil.
  20. 20 years from now, some adults are going to say they grew up on the “bad part of town,” meaning there was no 4G in that area.

Witty Status | Yesterdays Status Updates…

Why Men Hate Being in Pictures:

YouTube Preview Image

This guy nailed it! Share if you enjoyed.

Tons more status updates, funny pictures, and videos… On our Fan Page & Download our Free iPhone App.