Dog Saves Human, Pancakes, & Clever Status Updates

Score more likes, share one of these…

20 Clever Facebook Status:

  1. Stay warm. By staying in bed.
  2. THE BEST THING IN THE WORLD IS SEEING PEOPLE SMILING BECAUSE OF YOU.
  3. I thought there was a spider on the rug, but it was just some yarn. It’s dead yarn now, though.
  4. Me: I am so over selfies.
    Him: Well, stop taking them.
    Me: I didn’t mean mine; I meant everyone else’s.
  5. Lying about my age is easier now that I have trouble remembering what it is.
  6. Most of being an adult is marveling at the date and saying how fast the year is going by.
  7. My spirit animal is that chicken who keeps crossing the road for reasons no one can figure.
  8. How come no one in a zombie movie has ever seen a zombie movie.
  9. What do you call an alligator wearing a vest? A investigator. Hahaha I’m so sorry. No I’m not.
  10. Maybe Jabba was extremely thin for a Hutt, you don’t know.
  11. Life is like a box of chocolates-I won’t have one on Valentine’s Day.
  12. Chip clips are for quitters.
  13. The cops knocked on my door and asked me where I was between 5 and 6….I told them kindergarten.
  14. For my dog’s birthday I rented a school bus and drove him around with all the windows down.
  15. Personal trainer: So what’s your goal? Me: I wanna look good in pictures that I’m not the one taking.
  16. Of course size matters. No one wants a small pizza.
  17. You can tell how much a woman hates her husband by how short she cuts her hair.
  18. That awkward moment when a nap becomes sleep and you wake up confused about what year you’re in.
  19. I’ve been saving up my tickets for 27 years sir, and I would like to purchase this very Chuck E Cheese.
  20. If you ever feel unattractive, just remember that you look like your ancestors and all of them got laid.

Witty Status | Yesterdays Status Updates…

Dog Saves His Human..

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Ya, we know he wasn’t really drowning. But, it’s good to know your dog would save you – just in case. Share if you loved it :)

Tons more status updates, funny pictures, and videos… On our Fan Page & Download our Free iPhone App.

Epic Archery, Expensive Things, and 20 Fun Facebook Statuses

Happy Monday, share these funny statuses we found this week..

Top 20 Fun Facebook Statuses:

  1. Might wake up early and go running but I also might win the lottery, the odds are about the same.
  2. You never look good trying to make someone else look bad.
  3. My plan is to change the world. But I’ll settle for just getting out of bed.
  4. Hmmmm what should I buy myself for Valentines day.
  5. Everything becomes exponentially more funny when you’re not allowed to laugh.
  6. I need to delete pictures off my phone, but I’m such a photo hoarder, like I never know when this pic could come in handy I can’t delete that.
  7. Is it a firm rule that you have to be an addict to check into rehab? Because that one in Malibu looks pretty nice.
  8. ppl: u should talk more!
    me: *tries to talk*
    - gets ignored
    - gets interrupted
    - gets talked over
    - no one pays attention
    - no one cares
  9. The difference between pizza and your opinion is that I asked for pizza.
  10. That awkward moment when you walk to the wrong car in the parking lot.
  11. “COME ON YOU PIECE OF CRAP” I yell at my computer, a magic box that can do anything.
  12. If you end your message with “catch you later” the next time I see you I’m totally jumping in your arms. You better f*cking catch me.
  13. I like to stand 20 ft in front of the Walmart greeter and greet people before he gets a chance.
  14. I don’t really WANT to make bad choices; but I got here late and all the good choices were already taken.
  15. My friends most commonly describe me as “who?”
  16. I’ve ended up encountering much less porridge than I had expected I would as a child.
  17. I have no problem giving credit when credit is due. It’s giving payment when payment is due that I seem to struggle with.
  18. You are like that one crazy wheel on a grocery cart.
  19. The best cure for insomnia is a sunrise.
  20. What would I give the woman who has everything? Well, my phone number for a start.

Witty Status | Yesterdays Status Updates…

Epic Archery Video

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I don’t often think about Archery, but this video was badass. Please share or like if you enjoyed that.

Tons more status updates, funny pictures, and videos… On our Fan Page & Download our Free iPhone App.

Worst Joke Ever, My Brain, and 20 Wonderful Weekend Status Posts

Make your weekend last longer, share one of these…

20 Wonderful Weekend Status Posts:

  1. American Sniper proves that not even being in an active war zone will prevent your spouse from calling you at work.
  2. The gift of gab doesn’t feel like a gift when it’s been given to your spouse.
  3. Know the rules well so you can break them effectively.
  4. Dignity: Is that thing you lose when you send someone a second text before they’ve answered the first.
  5. People will stop asking you questions if you answer back in interpretive dance.
  6. Why can’t we all just get a Long Island Iced Tea?
  7. I never follow my heart because involuntary, myogenic organs are terrible decision makers.
  8. I just wanna find a nice person to hang out with until I drop dead. Is that too much to ask??
  9. Never show up to my house without wine.
  10. If your man is reluctant to talk about his feelings, it’s probably because you haven’t told him what they are yet.
  11. I used to have superpowers but the psychiatrist took them away.
  12. The awkward moment when you hold the door open for someone then suddenly everybody in the building decides to go out.
  13. Feeling crazy is a perfectly reasonable reaction to being alive.
  14. Nothing good goes into a microwave at 2:00am
  15. Just paid for lunch with dimes and nickels, in case anyone needs a financial advisor.
  16. How about a restaurant where the minute you walk in you lose cell service and your camera app is disabled we’ll call it “ENJOY YOUR LIVES”
  17. I like to imagine that braille on random public signs often says: “How did you know this was here?”
  18. If your name exceeds four syllables, I’m gonna just call you “hey”
  19. I like to start my morning off with a good nap.
  20. 99% of people are stupid. Luckily, I’m part of the other 2%

Witty Status | Yesterdays Status Updates…

Worst Joke Ever..

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I didn’t think we would ever find it. But, there you have it folks. The worst joke in the world.

Have a great weekend! Tons more status updates, funny pictures, and videos… On our Fan Page & Download our Free iPhone App. See you on Monday :)

Online Shopping, Paddle Boarder Meets Whale, & 20 Amusing Facebook Statuses

Score more likes, share one of these…

20 Amusing Facebook Statuses:

  1. That awkward moment when someone gives you a compliment and you can’t think of one in return.
  2. Who wants to give up on Society and go live in a treehouse with me?
  3. How I clean my room:
    -starts at one corner
    -finds something from 6 years ago and stares at it nostalgically for 5 hours
    -goes to bed
  4. When you’re wearing a watch on an airplane, time flies.
  5. Me: Oh wow, how much is the rent for this amazing apartment?
    “Sir, this is the beer aisle of the grocery store.”
  6. I’ve never been held hostage, but I HAVE been in a group text, so….pretty much same thing.
  7. Thanks for sharing your moon with me on Instagram. We don’t have a moon where I live.
  8. The best job ever? Sleeping Beauty at Disney World. You just lay down all day. If anyone bothers you, it’s like excuse me, I’m working here.
  9. I relate to Game of Thrones because much like my own life, I have no idea what’s going on and there’s a lot of wine drinking.
  10. Before criticizing my taste, remember that I like you.
  11. They say you’ve got to spend money to make money. Feel like there’s some middle step I’ve been missing?
  12. Hard butter is the devil.
  13. A secret handshake will get you into the “Beyond” section of Bed Bath & Beyond. Includes video games, beer & lightsabers. Ask for Steve.
  14. Things are getting pretty serious between us. We haven’t laughed in months.
  15. Maybe the chicken saw someone from high school. Just sayin’
  16. “Have you tried just eating a ton of pizza?”- me as a therapist
  17. If you don’t leave a buffet looking like someone told you bad news you didn’t get your money’s worth.
  18. It’s 2015, why don’t we have hover-boards yet?” he typed into a pocket-sized device that can do everything.
  19. I’m going to start responding to videos people post of their babies on Facebook with videos of me getting nine hours of sleep.
  20. Create a life that feels good on the inside, not one that just looks good on the outside.

Witty Status | Yesterdays Status Updates…

Paddle boarder encounters whale..

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What a beautiful encounter. Whales are such amazing creatures. Please feel free to share or like if you enjoyed that video.

Tons more status updates, funny pictures, and videos… On our Fan Page & Download our Free iPhone App.