Funny status updates for Facebook:

• The most valuable contribution social networking sites have made to my life is showing me how ridiculous it was to have ever been intimidated by or feel less than the people I went to high school with. (From our 4.5-star Rated Funny Status Updates iPhone App - Over 25,000/monthly users that average 5+comments per status update!)
• I never understood why people say booze is just empty calories. Sure, there's no real nutritional value, but those calories are far from empty, they're full of fun and awesomeness. ツ (Want more like this one?  "Like" our Funny Status Update Fan Page for daily funny status updates)
• After a disappointing summer, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
• We just adopted a baby. We wanted a highway, but it was too much red tape.
• There is a whole group of 5-8 year old girls who will be sorely disappointed when they get to high school and no one is singing and dancing through the halls.
• Some people live life in the fast lane. You're in oncoming traffic.
• If you don't understand why they call it high fashion, just look at the prices. (From our Twitter Account @FreeFunnyStuff)
• I've known myself for 20 years. How am I still able to convince myself that I can remember things without writing them down right away?
• I'm having awful car trouble. The car won't start and the payments won't stop.

The reason it's so hard to teach dogs to dance is because they have two left feet.

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Everyone wants a Ferrari but, hey at least your car still works!  Apparently Ferrari's are spontaneously com-busting, no joke.

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Watch out for the nasty weather this weekend   RIP Chris Farley! Have a safe and enjoyable weekend!  See you on Monday, folks For some more awesome content throughout the weekend "like" our FB Fan Page & Download our 4.5-star Rated iPhone App. Thanks for stopping by!

Funny Status Updates for Facebook:

• When ur humble you are confident and wise. When you Brag you are insecure and lacking.
• Judging from the ads that constantly besiege us, I guess TV execs think that the only ones home watching TV during the day are injured at work, sick from a recalled medication, or unemployed with an abundance of gold jewelry. ツ (Want more like this one?  "Like" our Funny Status Update Fan Page for daily funny status updates)
• I don't know what my credit score is but I'm pretty sure I'm losing.
• I should have been a lawyer because, really... I object to just about everything.
• People like to put words in your mouth, predictive-text likes to put words in your phone.
• I'm going back to traffic school to get my Master's. (From our Twitter Account @FreeFunnyStuff)
• The Baker's motto... "It's nice to be kneaded."
• Birthdays are like buses.. Never the number you want.
• Driving on so many turnpikes is taking its toll.

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Hahah funny!  Come back tomorrow for the world famous weekend wrap-up Cya then! If you need more funny status updates, pics, and videos to post:  "Like" our FB Fan Page & Download our 4.5-star Rated iPhone App.

Funny Status Updates for Facebook:

• Have you ever dropped something, then caught it, then dropped it again and it shatters all over the place?  Ya, that's my life right now.
• A bargain is something you don't need at a price you can't resist. (From our 4.5-star Rated Funny Status Updates iPhone App - Over 25k/users that average over 5+comments & likes per status update!)
• I sent my picture off to the lonely hearts club. They sent it back saying they weren't that lonely.
• If she farts in front of your parents repeatedly just for the reaction then she's a keeper.
• When I see someone using a payphone I always think they're arranging the ransom drop off.
• I tried driving today without texting, eating or getting high but it was so boring I fell asleep at the wheel. Thanks, Oprah.
• I'm thankful that baby teeth are the only things that kids lose while growing up. Imagine the trauma of a nose falling off. Or a leg. "Why's your daughter hopping around like that?" "Oh, she just lost her baby leg last night." ツ (Want more like this one?  "Like" our Funny Status Update Fan Page for daily funny status updates)
  
• Someday, I hope to befriend a friendly panhandler & learn the secrets of handling pans firsthand.
• If it's yellow, let it mellow, if it's brown, flush it down. That leaves a wide range of colors I have no idea what to do with.
• Ever hear of Feng Shui? It's an ancient Chinese expression which means, "Put your husband's crap in the garage." (From our Twitter : @FreeFunnyStuff)
• With a name like "Earl", I'm more afraid this hurricane will get drunk and beat a pregnant woman, than I am that it will cause flooding.

Funny Status Updates for Facebook:

• A smile is like tight underwear...it makes your cheeks go up.  ツ (Want more like this one?  "Like" our Funny Status Update Fan Page for daily funny status updates)
• Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking? Because those men already have boyfriends.
• I ruined my health by drinking to everyone else's.
• God must love stupid people. He made SO many. (From our 4.5-star Rated Funny Status Updates iPhone App - Over 25k/users that average over 5+comments & likes per status update!)
• Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?
• Why do men forget everything and women remember everything?
• I have a love/ate relationship with food.
• Given how many times they've been screwed by hurricanes, it's time to change the name of the Virgin Islands. (From our Twitter : @FreeFunnyStuff)
• Streakers Beware! Your end is in sight.
• I'm drinking 2% milk, wondering what the other 98% is...

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Haha, ahhh Scooter   Please stop in tomorrow for the always funny - mid-week status updates.  Get more funny status updates, pics, and videos to post:  "Like" our FB Fan Page & Download our 4.5-star Rated iPhone App.

Funny Status Updates for Facebook and Twitter:

• Nothing goes right with me. I bought a new watch... shockproof and waterproof... It caught on fire.
• I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks. From our 4.5-star Rated Funny Status Updates iPhone App - Over 25k/users that average over 5+comments & likes per status update!)
• I believe in sharing the road with other drivers. They can have the part behind me.
• Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.
• Girls are like phones. They love to be held and talked to but if u press the wrong button ... U will be disconnected!
• Son, when I was your age, our video game controllers were hard wired to the console. And Mario had to walk uphill both ways to the castle. ツ (Want more like this one?  "Like" our Funny Status Update Fan Page for daily funny status updates)
• If anyone can put the "i" in "Team" it's Apple.
• A woman knows she's wearing the right dress, when her man wants to take it off.
• I don't have a drinking problem. I drink. I get drunk. I fall down. No problem.
• Whenever I flush a bug down the toilet, I have to watch and make sure it dosen't come back, zombie style, with revenge in it's tiny heart. (From @FreeFunnyStuff)
• Only in America... do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

Stepping in some water barefoot in the kitchen, not so bad. Stepping in some water with socks on, bloody catastrophic.

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Wish you could really use this feature

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Hahaha, a classic scene in American cinema. Alrighty folks, thank you very much for stopping in!  Check back tomorrow for more hilarious status updates, pictures, and videos to post to your Facebook or Twitter.  Get more funny status updates, pics, and videos to post:  "Like" our FB Fan Page & Download our 4.5-star Rated iPhone App.