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Daily Facebook Status Update

We allllll know you lack creativity so here ya go: What’s all this jibberish about people having to find themselves? Don’t they realize all they need is a compass, a map, or a GPS system? Virgins just don’t know what they’re missing! All a passport really says is that someone was able to PASS through [...]

Top 5 Facebook Status Updates regarding the new look..

And the Top 5 Facebook Status updates regarding the latest change to the looks is… Wondering when Facebook become MySpace?  Clutter city! Ugh, Facebook please stop with the changes already. Facebook > Twitter F the new FB. joining the group 1,000,000 strong for the old facebook (and Obama of course, because he solves every problem) [...]

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    Latest on Wed, 12:40 pm

    Tara: A friend will ask you why you're crying, a GOOD friend will ask why you're crying while loading a shotgun, a TRUE friend will say [...]

    Mickala: I would rather check my facebook that face my checkbook.

    Connor: occasionally deals with a customer at work named Waldimir, but accidentally called him Voldemort on the phone this morning.

    JP: Batteries taped to pepto bismall containers, watches taped to cell phones... of course they aren't terrorist doing a dry run... Bad American for thinking that. [...]

    Susan: pay me in gum... wait. scratch that, pay me in skittles

    Susan: Sometimes, I want to copy other people's status' and see if they notice.

    Carol: I need to figure out how to get the benefits of a sugar daddy without the 'daddy.'

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    • Anonymous says FML
      Today, at work, I answered the phone politely like I always do. The call was for my manager, so I stayed on the line until he picked up the phone, as we don't have a "hold" button. Before I hung up, I heard the caller say, "Who was that bitch that answered the phone?" FML […]
    • oops says FML
      Today, I was giving a belly scratch to a stranger's dog, and I saw what I thought was a tumor. I touched it, only to find out that it was in fact the dog's nuts, not an abnormal growth. My first trip to second base involved groping a Corgi in public. FML […]
    • Anonymous says FML
      Today, my mum thought it would be acceptable to tell my school that the reason I will not be attending classes is because I have "the shits." FML […]
    • Anonymous says FML
      Today, I was talking to my tattoo artist about how my girlfriend broke up with me. She had also gotten her tattoos from him, so they had talked quite a bit. He told me she had been cheating on me with her ex for two and a half months. He didn't tell me because he didn't want to lose business. FML […]
    • Nothingonyou says FML
      Today, it was my birthday. But instead of a decent surprise, my friends decided to smash a cake on my face and unhook my dress, while taking a video of it. In a public shopping mall. FML […]