Terrible Tuesday Status Updates…
You are 2/5th’s the way through this week. Keep on trucking and it’ll be Friday before you know it. Meanwhile steal some Funny Facebook Status Updates from us: Parking spots are the sluts of the garage world. If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked? Why is the f*ck is the [...]
More funny Status Update ‘s
Welcome back, hopefully you had a wonderful weekened. Now here are some knee slappers for the long week ahead… Is… \/\/orking like I’m making the pyramids… except I get constant bathroom breaks. working for the weekend, like everybody, duh! aggressively attempting to solve rubiks cube. perusing youtube and craigslist at the same time. looking to [...]
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User Submitted Status
: today i feel calm a few days i spoke to him.but if i miss talking to him said he was responding the same question haha it [...]
: A friend will ask you why you're crying, a GOOD friend will ask why you're crying while loading a shotgun, a TRUE friend will say [...]
: I would rather check my facebook that face my checkbook.
: occasionally deals with a customer at work named Waldimir, but accidentally called him Voldemort on the phone this morning.
: Batteries taped to pepto bismall containers, watches taped to cell phones... of course they aren't terrorist doing a dry run... Bad American for thinking that. [...]
: pay me in gum... wait. scratch that, pay me in skittles
: Sometimes, I want to copy other people's status' and see if they notice.
Twitter Goodies
FML
- Anonymous says FMLToday, I had to Google a word in my little brother's third grade reading book so I could understand what was going on. FML […]
- Anonymous says FMLToday, my cousin came to visit from America. While out shopping, she said loudly that she was having trouble finding clothes to fit around her huge fanny, causing a lot of people to stare in our direction. I had to explain to her that "fanny" in the UK means "vagina." FML […]
- myles bevan says FMLToday, whilst sat next to a old lady on a flight back to the UK, I exclaimed how I wished somebody would gag the crying baby a few rows behind us. Her reply was, "That's my grandson." FML […]
- Yellow says FMLToday, my car broke down during rush hour on a busy street. While walking up two blocks to a gas station, I turn around only to see a woman stealing things from inside my car in broad daylight. FML […]
- Anonymous says FMLToday, I awkwardly had to comfort my 32 year old friend when he broke down crying in the middle of a crowded McDonald's. Apparently they no longer serve barbecue bacon cheeseburgers. FML […]